This past year, three dear friends became members of the secret order of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood called WIDOWHOOD. They didn’t take a blood oath or swear undying loyalty—their husbands died prematurely and left them to pick up the pieces.
None of us know when the Grim Reaper will select our lottery ticket. For Jayne (63) and Bob (59) it occurred after a 13 year battle with a rare form of cancer, in a palliative care bed in St. Albert, Saskatchewan. Jayne tenderly performed his final bed bath and savored each stroke as she lotioned his body for the last time. In the end Jayne made the final call to ‘pull the plug.’ If you knew all the facts, that decision was easier than the discordant disruption of life she was living now.
Sandi (64) and Trent (64) had just pulled into the parking lot of Starbucks in Calgary, Alberta. Sandi could smell the strong aroma of the heady coffee, as Trent’s head suddenly took a dive into the steering wheel. Sandi thinks that he succumbed to the perfect storm of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, being overweight and worry—as he supported Sandi through her colon cancer treatments. Sandi didn’t get to say good-bye and it continues to trouble her as she journeys on the road to recovery.
Having just moved from Waterloo, Ontario to Moncton, New Brunswick to be closer to their grandchildren, Monica (66) and Don (69) spent their first night in their new townhome. Suddenly at 2:00 A.M Don shot up in bed with excruciating chest pain. Four hours later in an unknown hospital, in an unknown city Monica was quietly told that Don had surrendered to the cardiac assault. Monica could not accept that she would never hold Don again and tentatively went to his bedside, asked that all tubes be removed and slipped under the covers to hold him, smell him and touch him one last time. Three hours later she reluctantly agreed to let him be.
It has now been between 6 and 11 months since Jayne, Sandi and Monica were anointed with their new status as widows. Grief invaded their worlds and left them feeling numb, fearful, helpless and hopeless. Through the process of grieving, they now feel less like road kill and more like being on a road trip, with no destination in sight. Tune in next week to glimpse into their unique and singular journeys of loss, recovery and re-birth.
Are you a member of this esteemed society of sisters?