What’s a Sweet Spot?

sweet-spot-venn

It’s interesting what different people think when you mention the phrase ‘sweet spot’. For some it immediately conjures up something sexy. (You’ll have to wait for my post on The A, B, C’s of the G-Spot.) But that’s only one aspect of finding your sweet spot in life.

A sweet spot refers to a place where a combination of factors, when in balance produces the best results. It can refer to many dimensions of everyday life. For example, when I asked my former business development director what the sweet spot in marketing is, Jamie said that it’s when the product, the perceived value, price and promotion are in sync with the target market. I thought that makes sense because then they were in tune with the hearts and minds of their customers. Have you heard of a sweet spot on a golf club? That’s when the right place on the club meets with the right angle and force to produce the perfect shot. You might recall people saying they found their sweet spot in fitness, in managing their money, with their career, in retirement or in lovemaking. But in life there can be many sweet spots which make up the total you. Still Sexy at 60+ describes seven sweet spots which, when congruent, result in harmony and balance. When you have found your sweet spots you have found your bliss. The secret to finding these 7 sweet spots is up to you—you hold the secret. Still Sexy at 60+ will guide you on a path to uncover your naked truth.  Even if you have to fake it ‘till you make it, this book will expose the secrets to getting there. Here are five other understandings about sweet spots that might be meaningful for you:

•             Living an authentic life—being true to yourself;

•             The 5 R’s—knowing that you are in the right place, doing the right things, for the right reasons, with the right people and at the right time;

•             Using your talents and gifts as they were intended;

•             Solving the puzzle of who you are and discovering your own personal Fountain of Life;

•             Feeling really happy—finding the awesome.

What sweet spots have you found? What had to be in balance before you reached that optimal place?

The Sexual Revolution ……. Why it Still Matters

     Georgge and Peace Sign

Born in the 50s and coming of age in the 60s and 70s, shaped the lives of millions of boomers like no generation before. The seductive landscape of unprecedented social and moral liberation transformed society forever. I actually hadn’t given that era much thought until I started to research it. It’s jaw-dropping just how significant those times and events were. From the 1960s to the 1970s our norms of behavior changed dramatically and what once was forbidden and sanctimonious was swiftly emancipated. Sex before marriage and living common-law became the norm; behind closed doors–masturbation, erotic fantasies and sex toys created a stir; and the closet door on homosexuality started to squeak open. The Feminist Movement freed the bowels of society acknowledging women’s equality and redefining sexuality. Fuelled by lingering shreds of Victorian prudings – these good and not so good vibrations laid everything bare, leaving us to make sense of it all. The advent of The Pill, improved antibiotics and reliable condoms permitted the x-rated excitation of the mind, heart and loins of our youth.  Along with it came the mainstreaming of pornography, progressive permissiveness, flurry of drugs and the free love generation. Who knew, we were living in the Sexual Revolution? The 60s also marked the assassination of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, racial unrest, the Viet Nam War, riots (Selma, Kent State, Stonewall) and sit-ins. Our generation fought fearlessly for civil rights, quality, justice and care of our planet. My Teenage Years Looking back on my teenage years at an all-girls Catholic high school, I was cocooned from many of the movements occurring in society. My very strict religious upbringing and defined expectations of how I was to live my life, limited my exposure to some of these realities. Despite these parameters my psyche was trying to deal with hormones, sexual awakenings, querying how far would I ‘go’ and was an orgasm really that electric. Today, my four sisters and I often remark that we are surprised we turned out sexually balanced, given the norms of our parents’ generation. I recall my high school years at St. Joseph’s Convent School as being very hopeful. The nuns instilled a strong belief in us; we could aspire to be anything, do anything and make a difference in the world. They encouraged us to take our rightful place in society as strong and capable women. I also recall learning the meaning of 69, the difference between a good girl and a nice girl, a dildo, S&M and a BJ. Pornography I know that every generation before us dealt with teenage sexual thoughts and feelings – but they didn’t grow up with the carnal knowledge that danced on the movie screen before our hungry eyes – nudity, anal sex, LSD trips and images of forbidden lovers as portrayed in the following films: •          Blow-up (1966, Vanessa Redgrave) •          Mondo Topless (1966, Babette Bardot) •          Barbarella (1968, Jane Fonda) •          Deep Throat (1972, John Holmes, known for his exceptionally large penis) •          Last Tango in Paris (1972, Marlon Brando) •          Debbie Does Dallas (1978, Bambi Woods) Rock’n Roll Paralleling the thrust of the silver screen was the explosive beat of rock’n roll that bolted onto our TV screens, captured our living rooms and pulsated through every bone and muscle of our young bodies In 2014, the PBS Network chronicled the music of the 60s in Ed Sullivan’s Rock ‘n Roll Classics. My family would never miss The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night. I can just see Ed introducing the Beatles “Here on our stage, for all the youngsters in Canada and the US, straight from Manchester, England – The Beatles!” My parents were appalled by their long hair and suggestive music—so much so that I wasn’t even allowed to do the twist. I think they were afraid that we would become hippies and become embroiled in the bohemian sub-culture of Yorkville, Toronto. Today, as I listen to the music of the 60s and 70s, it makes me feel brand new again. It vibrates within my very soul of hope, energy and idealism and takes me back to a time when I thought I could do and be whatever I desired. Music is like going on a magic carpet through the canyons of my mind. It evokes place, time, emotion and people—it unites all of us. I fondly recall the excitement of a young’s girl’s heart—going to a Michael Power Street dance and carelessly swinging to the Staccatos, The Association and Mandela. Did you meet some sweet pimpled guy, on a starry starry night at The Kee-to-Bala, The Pav in Orillia or Hidden Valley, Huntsville and flirtatiously move to the beat of The Turtles or Lighthouse? Tell me about it. What an iconic time eh! The beat goes on… the beat goes on and the spirit of the Sexual Revolution beats inside of our hearts and minds today. We were once hard rockers but we’re not in the rocking chair yet! Please take a moment to share your memories of those crazy, hazy days—your first kiss, first love, first heartbreak etc. Why does the Sexual Revolution still matter to you?

Am I Still Sexy?

STL Hollowe'en         Boomers running

When the premier issue of Zoomer magazine hit the stands in October 2008, I was exhilarated that a publication hit my sweet spot. It spoke to me about reinvigoration and energy when the common terms about getting old were elder, the golden years and senior citizen. I wanted to be called something else. The term zoomer actually gave me permission to expect wonderful things from getting older; allowed me to dream of things I had yet to achieve and instilled hope for a triumphant charge into the rest of my life. I no longer wanted to turn the clock back, a useless wish anyway—but I wanted to set the tone and tempo to a new beat. Being a zoomer made me feel sexy.

Moses Znaimer writes in his opening article Hello Zoomers:

“Zoomer is primarily a state of mind! It’s an attitude toward living long – an open, optimistic attitude that combines a desire for new experiences with a sense of purpose and value. It’s an attitude that frankly recognizes the challenges of aging (and actively advocates for them), but also insists that aging doesn’t have to mean retreating from life. … We see this time not as ‘the end’ but as a new and exciting stage in life. And yes, we want romance and expect to continue with the joys of sex.”

Everyone has their own idea of what being sexy is. When I asked my brother-in-law Richard, how he perceived ‘sexiness’ in women he replied “it’s the total package—it starts with the T-zone which is the ‘T’ formed by the eyes and nose. There, I see a window to their souls; how she holds her head, the respectful engagement with the eyes, the confidence in the smile and the meaningfulness of the conversation.” Interestingly, Debbie a nursing colleague and friend, had a similar comment when talking about men, “assertive but not aggressive, friendly but not frenetic, positive but not pssst-off with life and perhaps a bit flirty but not uber-flirtatious.”

Whatever we perceive sexiness to be, it’s the amassing of our life experiences that shines through our persona. What does your T-zone say about you? Are you a bit flirty or a bit assertive?  Is your well-being doing well or could your total package use a re-wire?

For the past 50, 60 or 70 years we have lived—and none of us have done it perfectly. The decisions we made and the priorities we chose were influenced by innumerable factors. As I write my book Still Sexy at 60+……. Seven Secrets to Finding Life’s Sweet Spot, I do not want to dwell on the past but learn from it and use this insight to get it right for the years we have left—because we’ve all had friends who have died prematurely and some perhaps with regrets. We arrive at this juncture in our lives with an abundance of stuff—some good and some not so good:

•          Experienced separation and/or divorce—for better or for worse;

•          Coped with disease and/or disability;

•          Lusted, loved, lost or now in limbo;

•          Procreated new generations;

•          Shielded one’s sexual orientation or bravely came out;

•          Fulfilled career goals or not;

•          Had tragedies and/or blessings;

•          Supported parents at their bedside as they took their last breath;

•          Been okay, not okay or a bit of both.

It’s all good friends. The good news is that we can choose to make a change now and find our sweet spot in life. Stay tuned as we explore this sassy edge to life and use our past to redefine our future. Begin with YES………………….……………………YOLO